it creeps into my toes.

I’ve been listening to the soundtrack of Pride and Prejudice, watching The Tudors, reading ‘The Rivals’ by Sheridan and explaining English history to people all day. Yes, I realise how creepily obsessed with ‘England’ I can be sometimes, but all of this furore over nationality and patriotism is something I’ve never been able to comprehend.

After all, till date my only motivation in watching any sport remains the attractiveness of the men in question: unfortunately, I haven’t found anyone in the Indian cricket team worth supporting. But then again, I haven’t watched cricket in a while, and the last time I watched football was– well, last week, but that was pure chance.

But to get back to my point in writing this, I’ve been listening to an eclectic mix of music this week and honestly, it’s never been clearer to me that music can completely change your mood around. On a grumpy Monday morning, on the way to college in a noisy auto, listening to ‘The Militia Marches In” from the P&P soundtrack can really make you laugh out loud with happiness; listening to ‘Evenstar’ or ‘The Council of Elrond’ or ‘The King of the Golden Hall’ from the LOTR soundtrack can make you feel like nothing you’re doing is of any importance, that reality can be transcended.

Listening to hip-hop is mindless, transporting you into a hazy world of remembered drunken nights tinged with the smell of sweat, perfume and cigarette smoke spent in close quarters with strangers. Listening to the Beatles and ABBA makes me feel happy, self-contained, at peace with the world; Dire Straits and Pink Floyd remind me of my parents, every time.

And Bach, Mozart, Vivaldi, Tchaikovsky, Beethoven – the music seems to creep into my toes, into my blood, into everything.

I really want to start learning to play the piano again.

Pointless post, in the end, but I was just killing time until episode 10 of the Tudors loaded anyway :)

let’s pretend that nothing ever happened

Plod, plod, plod. Waking up every morning to the same white-washed ceiling, the same aspirations in your head that you hope to achieve ten, fifteen, twenty years from now. God knows whether you will or not, but you can certainly hope.

One thing you can be certain of though, is you’ll never know the circles that life can take you in, round and round and round until you find yourself inextricably tangled.

You’ll never know who to trust, who to believe in, who to love – without getting yourself hurt in the process.

Happiness throws its arms around you suddenly, unexpectedly but at exactly that moment when you need it.

What you think you want and deserve and what you really need can be poles apart… and you’ll be pleasantly surprised when you wake up to find yourself satisfied with less than you’d been hoping for.

You can try and try to save yourself – but in the end, you throw yourself with the consolation that if you don’t do it here and now, you’ll never again have the courage or the opportunity to.

You are always trying to keep it real
I’m in love with how you feel
I don’t see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

We both have shiny happy fits of rage
You want more fans, I want more stage
I don’t see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

- “Anyone Else But You” – The Moldy Peaches

the hours.

waiting.

on the edge of something, standing right at the very edge with my fingertips clutching at nothing but air as you push me further and further to the crumbling crevice of uncertainty

seeking.

something elusive, something barely even there. unacknowledged, unsaid words that mean everything. lead me on onto paths i’ve never found, take me through and tell me what i want to hear

fear.

of falling, or not falling enough. of boredom of recklessness of hate of loss of you of myself of them of everything and nothing

seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years.

nothing means anything when all i want is too far to reach for. the effort called for is more than i can spare.

and yet, we go on. playing out our parts on the stage that we live for.

[i have no idea what i'm saying. haunting piano music in the background probably isn't helping my mood]