you know, i’m no good at this

I’m confused and slightly shocked at my own daring. I’ve done this too many times for the outcome not to hurt. And this time, I don’t even know [yes Jay, if you're reading this, I know you're going to be shaking your head at my repeated stupidity!]

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I want to scream. I want to… do something. Stop confusing me in this maddeningly irritating way. This is simply too much. Yes. No. Maybe?

One minute, it’s all fine. The next, you’re sitting in the dark, wondering. And feeling the slow, creepingly familiar feeling of fear come upon you. On the one hand, you’re terrified to. On the other, you’re terrified not to.

I have no clue. I’m swimming somewhere that I can’t see the bottom of. The shore’s too far to matter anymore, and I’m stuck here, swimming for my life.

I’m no good at this. I’m a stupid, horrible, idiot of a person who has absolutely no intuition and no idea what to do. Or what to think either.

Though, suddenly now, it turns amusing.

“I can’t find my way

God, I need a change

And I’ll do anything to just feel better”